I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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