Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
