youre lurking in front of me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
did i just pee glitter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
