I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
