so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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