I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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