I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
