At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
