My friends, they love my intelligence
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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