'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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