My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
