And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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