he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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