we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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