i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize