Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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