just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
