i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize