I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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