At least make sure they are 18
Why
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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