i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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