you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
