We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize