Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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