i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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