So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
