it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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