I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
