Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
