On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
