We're facebook friends in real life
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
