i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize