I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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