I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
