hell yes lets make some ravioli
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
