420 ftw
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
