Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize