I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we're making bets on your personal life
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
