After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize