I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
