Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
