If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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