I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
