um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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