So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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