all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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