I am puke
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
