He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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