Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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