I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
