all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i came on her dog
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
