Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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