he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
