youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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