Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
