I didn't shave. On purpose
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
