I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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