I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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