I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
