I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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