This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
