Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
