I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
