This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
