You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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