another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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