I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
