you mean i was at the winter classic?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize