I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
