So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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