The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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