No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
