My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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