Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
