Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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