Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
