STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
