Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
