i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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