Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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