I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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