This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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