Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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