SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
