we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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