One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
