Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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