Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
