Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
