I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
