It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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