I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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