No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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