im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
