i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want her autograph on my taint
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
