I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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