Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
