Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
